You’ve seen it before. Both men and women going on social media and asking, “Am I ugly?” This often includes a picture for you to judge. I often see low self-esteem men doing this. Followed by a long rant about how women aren’t attracted to them because they are so hideous.
Literally EVERY TIME I see that kind of post, they are NEVER ugly.
It’s very inconsiderate to people with actual disfigurements who would do anything just to look like them.
Sure they aren’t as good looking as fitness models and movie stars, but they do look like normal people. They are never ugly at all. The only thing ugly about them is their low self-esteem and lack of confidence.
Socially savvy people see those posts and shout, “Stop fishing for compliments!” It seems ridiculous these normal looking people would even ask, so that must be what they are after.
Often, they do seem to be looking for validation to fill the gaping absence of their self-esteem. Finally having someone saying, “You look great! Don’t worry about your looks!” might feel good for a split second. But that validation quickly vaporizes because they had to ask for people to provide compliments. It wasn’t freely handed to them by someone they’d actually like to hear say, “You are beautiful.”
Step 1 is post your question asking, “Am I ugly?”
Step 2 is ignore all the replies that actually provide great advice on improving your self-esteem.
I see this all the time. Socially savvy and tactful people reply with, “Women don’t find you ugly. It’s your negative attitude and low self-esteem they find unattractive!”
No matter how many times people post replies like that, and struggle to reword it in just the right way to balance polite delivery with wanting to smack the cognitive dissonance right the F out of him, he simply ignores those replies because it isn’t what he’s looking for.
If someone replies, “How can you even ask ‘Am I ugly?’ You are good looking.” Then maybe he will reply with a “thank you.” But he completely ignores all the good advice that could actually help him change his mindset. You can show him pictures, and videos of guys clearly much less physically attractive than him, but he will close his eyes because it’s not the reality he is ready to believe in yet.
Here is a good response I saw to someone asking, “Am I ugly?”
Here is a tough truth: guys looks matter way less than girls’ looks.
I have friends who are literal troll garbage who have very attractive partners. You are a totally normal looking dude. Forget the negative self talk. I’m no expert, but I’ve had cool girlfriends. Here is my advice:
Start working out
I’m no fashion expert, but how you dress has a huge effect on how women perceive you. It’s also something you have complete control over.
Also, you don’t KNOW for a fact that women have never found you attractive. You need to make the first move 99% of the time. Odds are there have been women in your life who found you attractive but you just didn’t know it.
There is a ton of hope for you. Your loneliness is more self imposed than anything. We all build our own prisons my dude.”
Sounds good right?
The guy got nearly a hundred replies very similar to this. He didn’t reply to any of them and deleted the content of his post. He just wasn’t getting the answers he wanted or was embarrassed by the answers he got. When you ask “Am I ugly?” in a supportive and improvement oriented group you will hit a solid wall of cognitive dissonance when they try to help you improve your self-esteem but that’s not actually what you wanted.
Unfortunately, there are plenty of low energy groups filled with people who ping off each other’s misery and inadequacies. If you want people to reinforce your low self-esteem instead of help you fix it, just go to those groups and ask, “Am I ugly?” You’ll get hundreds of replies saying, “You look great!” but those people are hurting you much more than they are helping you!
They are feeding your victim mentality and need for constant praise to feel good about yourself. They are robbing you of the opportunity to overcome your addiction to external validation!
Why people really ask, “Am I ugly?”
It’s easier to blame superficial qualities like your looks for your lack of dating success than to actually improve yourself. It gives you an excuse to avoid working on your self-esteem and social skills which are the real reasons you are alone. It’s the negative attitude that turns people off.
Low self-esteem people express self-doubt in their body language, tone of voice, word choice and many other ways! If you are a lonely, shy guy of course women detect how you feel about yourself when they observe those obvious cues! Those cues all scream, “I hate myself! but please love me and pay attention to me so I can finally feel good about myself!” It’s a very needy, unattractive vibe.
Becoming an attractive man doesn’t mean you have to have a naturally handsome face. It means you love yourself, and are living a life you are passionate about. When you are internally validated, you don’t need constant praise and attention to like yourself. And because of that, people are drawn to your positive energy.
If you don’t yet believe that is true, then you might be stuck in a cycle of self-doubt, negative thinking, and limiting beliefs. I empathize with the pain and confusion you must feel. But there is still hope for you. No matter how hopeless you feel now, it is possible to improve your self esteem and finally start living a life you are proud of. I’ve seen it many times with my clients. Book a coaching session if you are ready to improve this part of your life.
How to Improve Self-esteem and Confidence
in Your Self-Image
If you really want to improve your self-confidence in your self-image, There are two targets you can attack simultaneously. Improve how you present yourself to the world, and improve how you feel about yourself.
I often find it interesting that the same guys who claim looks are everything when it comes to attracting women often don’t take good care of their looks. If they really believed looks were everything, wouldn’t they improve the things they most obviously have control over?
Just like the guy in the quote above suggested, you can improve your style. Wear cooler clothes that fit better, Try various accessories like necklaces, and watches. Experiment and find what looks great on you. Do some research on your own and figure out an attractive style for yourself. I recommend getting a new style for both business and casual situations. Also, get a good haircut. Start going to the gym to improve your physique, health, and energy.S et some goals to improve your physique and figure out how to do it. A stronger, high testosterone body gives you more confidence, and looks better too.
Those are all things that are easily in your control! You can easily look a lot more attractive just by doing everything in the paragraph above. Maybe that’s why many low self-esteem guys never do it. They would put on the style of a confident version of themselves, but still wouldn’t feel confident. They might become self-conscious that their style is drawing too much attention and they will be judged for trying to look cool!
It’s actually quite ironic isn’t? Don’t they wan’t positive attention from women? But if they actually put on a cool, unique suit that draws stares, they become paranoid about all the people silently judging them for trying to look cool.
Of course, you also have to improve your inner confidence. As already mentioned, you have to start liking yourself. Figure out all the things you don’t like about yourself. Write them down, and next to each one write a goal with a plan to fix it. Try to use as positive language as possible when you write this.
Some example goals could be:
*Learn high value skills to start my own business
*Overcome fear of starting conversations with others
*Speak up for myself when people are rude
Figure out exactly what you want from your life. When you have that figured out, you will know what you need to do to finally start liking yourself. When that happens, you will never again feel compelled to ask, “Am I ugly?”
Here are more resources for developing your inner confidence:
Do you have any advice for people who don’t feel confident in their looks? Do you have any advice for people who have trouble liking themselves? Please feel free to share your tips in the comments.
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