Improve self esteem with these questions. You may think you want to be successful but the decisions you make will constantly pull you back to whatever level you feel you deserve. You might read self-help and hear you should surround yourself with positive people and kick out all the negative influences. People who actually do this only succeed when they actually feel full of optimism themselves. Negative people filled with self-hate become exhausted when hanging out with positive people. They can’t make a connection with someone they just don’t resonate with. They feel the need to put on a positive front and it’s just incongruent with what they are actually feeling.
This pretend façade of positivity takes all your energy. If you are feeling negative it’s easier to connect with other negative people. Complaining and gossip become pleasurable as they become the fuel to human connection. If you were to hang out with extroverted optimists you’d have nothing to offer them.
You’d feel compelled to just go back to whatever negative emotional state you usually feel you deserve. The following questions will help you evaluate how much success you actually feel you deserve. Think about your answers to improve self esteem.
1. What type of people do you spend the most time with?
These are the people you resonate with. You’ll rarely see socially intelligent happy people hanging out with lazy slobs lodged in the quicksand of their apathy towards life.
The people you hang out with usually reflect how you feel about yourself. You might hang out with very negative people who love to gossip as much as you. Or you could hang out with a group of former losers who focus on self-improvement. You offer each other encouragement and are likely about on the same level socially, and financially. Another general possibility is you hang out with people who support your goals and energize you with positivity.
No matter which type of people you resonate with, people who are vastly out of the range of your level will be repelled by the energy you give off.
2. What Types of Friends do you feel you deserve?
If you really feel like you deserve great friends it would be easy to connect with those people who love to support, share with and compassionately care for others, or possess whichever traits you’d like in friends. When you meet these people you’d naturally build a connection. If you don’t feel you deserve their attention then you’ll be pulled back to whatever level you feel worthy of. If you hang out with losers maybe you don’t feel like you deserve to hang out with successful, outgoing people. Improve self esteem and you will improve the quality of your friends.
3. What do you do in your free time? Improve Self Esteem With The Right Habits
When you have a few hours to spare how do you spend your time? Do you look for a movie to watch online? Read a book? Sleep? Watch TV?
A better question may be what do you do when you feel bored? If you do things that distract you from your own emotions you are probably just wasting time. If you watch movies or TV you might not even enjoy what you are watching. It’s just a convenient way of passing time until you need to sleep.
Moments of freedom should be cherished or used for things you actually care about. How often do you actually take advantage of your moments of freedom to develop a skill you’ve always wanted to learn? For most people, it seems easier to develop habits of laziness and distraction to help one ignore the intense sense of inadequacy.
4. What Type of Girl do you Feel you Deserve in Your life?
Guys who suffer from a negative mindset might not realize how much their belief in their own self-worth impacts how women react to them.
We all know it’s common to hear unfounded complaints like, “women only date hot guys. So they’d never like me.” Guys with these self-defeating beliefs are so invested in these negative, illogical statements that they constantly sabotage themselves. They could meet an attractive girl and the conversation will be going great. But he won’t believe it. He won’t recognize that she is smiling and enjoying the talk. It’s difficult to rationalize it as she is just being polite, or making fun of him. He doesn’t actually want to date her. He is more invested in keeping his negative belief alive than proving it wrong and actually building a connection with a quality woman.
You only get the people in your life you feel you deserve. You won’t improve self esteem until you believe you deserve it.
5. What do you get excited about?
You have an enormous world, unlimited information available to you, books to read, skills to learn, places to go, and people to meet. How could anyone ever get bored?
I have mountains of books to read and skills I want to learn. When I don’t have a work project there is always something enjoyable I could be doing. I have passions that excite me.
Psychologists have found that people without passions, or goals are much more likely to fall into depression. Figure out what excites you and make a commitment to devote more time to it. Improve self esteem by finding out what makes you excited.
6. What are your usual thoughts to yourself?
Your thoughts are a reflection of your concerns and emotions. When common thoughts pop up into your consciousness? Examples could be negative reminders of your own inadequacies, your worries, and various fantasies.
Think about what your daydreams imply about your life. What do you think is missing from your life? Are you too critical of yourself?
A lot of the time these negative thoughts over exaggerate whatever problems are actually going on your life while ignoring all the things you could be grateful for.
Negative thoughts only serve to reinforce damaging beliefs in who you are. If you can develop awareness of these thoughts you can trace them back to where they begin and accept the parts of yourself that feel inadequate.
7. What are your Goals?
If you are reading EvolveToWin.com and have no life goals I’d think it’s pretty funny. Sit down and figure out exactly what it is you want from life.
Sometimes a goal will pop into your mind. Your instant reaction is to dismiss it because you’re worried about what other people will think. Step outside of that social programming and figure out what experiences really matter to you. Commit to making your goals reality.
8. What are you proud of?
What is going on in your life that makes you happy to be you? Where have you succeeded where others have failed? How many accomplishments are you proud of?
A negative mindset can make you ignore all the great things you’ve accomplished.
The counterargument of course is that overly proud people focus on their successes but ignore their own faults. They have a warped, insecure sense of who they are. These people should take an honest look at themselves.
Those with a negative mindset should be honest with themselves. They should figure out why their focus is drawn towards embarrassments rather than successes.
9. What are you ashamed of?
Whatever personal traits you are ashamed of are often things you worry others won’t accept. By first accepting these traits in yourself, it’s more likely others can accept them in you.
10. What do you think you will regret 5 years from now?
Don’t avoid thinking about this question. Most people are experts at avoidance. Opportunities come and go because we are afraid of exposure to our fears. We constantly miss opportunities to develop confidence, meet new people, take risks, and face fears.
You know which opportunities you have a habit of avoiding. You might make up your excuses but you know it’s just nonsense to avoid anticipated awkwardness, uncertainty, and fear.
Cut out the resistant bullshit.
If you keep avoiding opportunities how much will you regret? Think about all the opportunities you’ve already missed. Now multiply all that regret by 5 more years and then your whole life.
These questions should be helpful in developing awareness of your current level of self-esteem. Whatever you are feeling most of the time is exactly what you will attract into your life. By cultivating awareness of your current level of self-esteem you can begin the process of improving those feelings.
I’ve included various exercises to accomplish this in my new book, Social Confidence Mastery.
What other questions do you think are important to ask yourself to evaluate your current level of self-esteem?